I was thinking about why I fell into deep depression, like what were some of the things that triggered it, and I realized that the deaths of 2 relatives really impacted me more then I thought originally.
See, I was depressed to begin with, being in the house for days, in one room for eight to nine hours, only human interaction would be with my sister or mother. It really has it's tole after an extended period. I mean, can you imagine not leaving your house for days at a time? I left about twice a week at most. I felt so abandoned and alone, like no one wanted to be around me, or talk to me. Like it was too much effort to talk to me.
I remember going to newfoundland for a vacation, it was nice but I was still alone. I met new family and old, everyone was so old. Sprained a tailbone and spent my two weeks watching the weather channel because there was honestly nothing else to do. We visited my nan and pop in the old folks home, my pop was a pastor way back in the day, but he didn't even remember us.. But he remembered scripture like he was reading it straight from the bible. I thought that was pretty neat. After we went to my nan's room. She had to be separated from him because he didn't know who she was. She was so tiny on that bed.. Hair pearly white, white as snow, thinning out. Blue eyes that stared right back at you, and a sweet old face that looked like she constantly smiled. That was the last time I saw her, that summer she died.
After my nan died, I really thought about death deeply, I think that's when I really spiraled downward. At her funeral my uncle that I had met on vacation died of a heart attack. He was young. Too young, too nice. I had to find out through my cousin! I couldn't understand that.
I guess those are some factors that contributed to my depression, not necessarily the only factors, but significant enough.
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