So Crazy!

After talking on the phone with my boyfriend last night, it really hit me, like really truly hit me that I'm alive today. Like, I don't think people really realize it or put a lot of thought into it, but in a couple months it'll have been a year already since I was going to kill myself. A whole year! I can't believe it. Like, it's so amazing. It brings tears of joy to my eyes now, every time I think about it. The first real year of my life.  Unplanned and unknown about what would happen in it. Just going with it. It's so great.
Like, during that time of extreme depression I took these pictures, and now they might possibly help a friend in a book she's writing! I didn't even know her when I took those pictures. And also, just meeting her has changed me. She's such an inspiration, she's so strong. I'm so glad I'm alive today, I never would have even met her if God didn't change my life right at that time.
I could go on forever about Ryan, my boyfriend. I honestly... It's so amazing. He's so amazing. I love him so much. And to know that I know him, I'm in a relationship with him.. I'm here to have that.. It's so indescribable. I wonder where they would be.. I don't know. It's self-centered of me to think like this, but I wonder where they would be in life if I had never met them, not that I made all that of an impact, but not meeting me.. I don't know, I wonder a lot of things.
Hearing "I'm proud of you" was a term that was used way to much in my house at the wrong time. Hearing that from my dad would sting at times. I didn't want it, I didn't think I deserved it, he just said it all the time, trying to make a connection with me. It was just over-said. Hearing it from him still now doesn't have any affect on me, but hearing it from others... I don't know. It feels so different. Like wow, that person is proud of me? Me?
I don't even remember the last time I cut! Isn't that... it's so great. So so great. It's the feeling of being free. I can't explain it.

I can't wait to find out what will happen in my future. I hope it's amazing.

I just want to say, Thank you God. For everything. I'll praise him, not only because of how he changed my life, but just because he is God. I don't need a hardship or emotional time to praise you. You're just,  simply amazing.