Lonely

     I can't seem to get the words out of my head and onto paper. I've had a week off from school, and so far I'm just spending it alone in my room, doing school work. I'm so glad I'm not home schooled anymore, I don't think I would be able to handle going back to that. No one knows what it was like for me. Maybe they've experienced something like it or to an extent. But they truly don't understand. There's 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes per hour, 60 seconds per minute. Every second, every minute felt like hours. I watched the clock ticking, ticking. Waiting for the day to be over. I spent hours sitting in one place, just staring out a window. I never wanted to wake up in the mornings. knowing that I would just be counting the minutes and hours in the day.
My mother gave up teaching me before grade 8. I've told people it was grade 8, but I realized it was the middle of grade 7. She gave up on me because I couldn't seem to grasp what was being taught. She just got frustrated and gave up. She got frustrated.
Doing the school work I am now, I know now why I don't ask for help. Even though I need it. It's because I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't get it, and that whomever is trying to help will get frustrated and yell.. and be angry with me. 
I'm ashamed of what my marks are, I do try. I really do. Aren't home schooled kids supposed to be really smart? Like my sister? Why can't the school work just come to me, like everyone else.
I know comparing myself to others is bad, and that I shouldn't. But I can't help it sometimes.
My parents always compare me to my sister. I know they do, even though they say "Don't compare yourself to others" They do it all the time. I've heard them many times.
I honestly don't know where this blog post is going. And I'm sorry to whomever reads this, how painful this must be to read and not ask yourself  if you think I'm grabbing for attention.  I'm just, trying getting this out of me. So I can forget it and move on.