I'm looking through my old journal. The one with my first suicide note, and I found an entry that made me smile. Keep in mind I was like 14...
May 30th
I think I need to feel, I don't know, special? Loved? I think I would like to have a boyfriend. But no one stands out. I wish I had someone like, a guy that I could love, and be loved back. A guy that wouldn't cheat on me like every other boyfriend I've ever had. A guy that I can be all cutesy couply with. I see it all the time and I just wish I could have that... I want someone who's not afraid of love. I want someone who's tall, skinny, smart, funny, brown hair (I don't know. Don't judge me) maybe even good looking... The list goes on but I think you get the picture. All my friends say I must be patient. But really, I don't want to wait. Even though I'm so young.
Great...I just read over this and I sound so stupid. Wooww... Oh well, I guess if one doesn't come along... Then it'll be too late...
Looking back on this now, it makes me smile. I have everything I wanted and so much more. I'm so glad. God is great. He introduced me and my boyfriend, and I'm alive today. I have a future ahead of me.
I think it is just amazing how god has provided your heart's desires just by reading " old Journal Entry". God has brought you Ryan, whom you wished for when you were 14, not even knowing he was born now your 16 and have him. God loved you when you were 14 and wanted you to stick around. He had and has huge plans for your life. God loved you then and he loves you know, so take this new view and light that you have upon yourself an run with it so the whole world can see what god has done for you:) I love Elena, and would never have you any other way then who you are right now:):):)
ReplyDelete- you rock girl!!