Remembering

The first time I used chemicals on myself for self harm wasn't the first time I used a chemical on my skin. I was at a friends house and I was trying to wash off a tattoo design on my arm. It wouldn't come out so I saw a mr. Clean magic eraser lying on the counter. I scrubbed my skin raw with it, but then the chemicals started to really burn. My arm burned for a good 4 hours after.... I thought that maybe, just maybe I'd actually feel something inside me if I could feel on the outside.  I thought that Mr. Clean Magic eraser could "magically" erase my problems. I had stopped cutting, I thought that this was better, but it was the exact same thing. I burned myself daily, mostly on my stomach. I once got asked if I did crystal meth because of all my scabs. I Thank God that I didn't start on drugs. He had the perfect timing for me. If God didn't work in my life at the time that he did, I would've started drinking, drugs and so on. I don't remember when I started to watch my weight. I know i was pretty young. I was always a thin kid. But when I went into grade 9, I started starving myself. I was 14 years old 5"2 and 105 pounds on a good day. Grade 10 I finally got into a public high school. I still starved myself though, I met some pretty great people, they encouraged me to eat more, little by little. My body would reject it, and often I couldn't eat more and I would just throw up and try again. it really sucked, it was a big thing in my life that was hard to overcome. But now I eat like a pig and I stay physically fit by going to the gym. I think I might like to be a personal trainer. That would be so cool.