Thinking...

     Maybe... Maybe I'm ready. Ready to tell my father....dad... about my testimony... Maybe, maybe I'm ready to forgive him. Dad... It's weird to say as I think about it. I kind of get a weird feeling in my chest when I think of calling him that...Dad... I can't do the whole hugging thing yet... I know I can't. I have no idea why I'm saying these things... forgiving him?...Breaking down those walls?... I.. I don't know. I know it'll happen in the future... But...
I found this song that I can really relate to...

Hold me somebody

Don't let me be alone

Love me, stay with me

I am dying to be known

My heart cries out

I need a Father

Whose love will never fail me

A friend like no other

Whose trusted arms will hold me

I need a Father

I am wounded 

But I tuck the pain away

Free me, heal me

I don't want to be afraid

My heart cries out

Here's my heart

Be tender, please

Let me know Your love for me

Here's my heart 

I’m on my knees

I will trust 

‘Cause I believe

You are my Father

Your love will never fail me

A friend like no other

Your trusted arms will hold me

You are my Father

 I NEED A FATHER LYRICS - STARFIELD 

 Here's my heart, I'm on my knees, I will trust, 'Cause I believe.
I think I'm going to try and trust my dad... See if something happens right after I try to forgive him. Usually I say I'm going to actually try to forgive him, but right after he does something really ridiculous... I don't want that to happen this time. I just want... To have this off my chest. I don't want a physical relationship. I know I can't yet.
I'm on my knees! Asking God for guidance. Please oh please, let this work out, without a bad outcome.
My heart cries out, I need a father. I need a father.